IELTS experience My Essay

Writing Task 2 (an essay)

Nowadays parents are leaving their children with someone else during the day, when they are at work. Is it a good or a bad thing to do? Give relevant examples, from your experience or knowledge.

20-90-90-50

In modern developed countries the parents, who are involved into the active social life and spend a lot of time at work, very often encounter with the problem how to find a babysitter for their children. Nevertheless, this issue is a very controversial one.

First of all, the parents spend less time with their children and pay them less attention they needed very much, so the main and the first possible negative consequence of this process is the loss of the contact with the little ones. Leaving their children with the nannies, the genitors involuntary found the future problems with parenting and accomplishment. It is should be noted that this issue is an actual for the westernized societies and uncommon in the societies with the patriarchal structure where women do not work and bring up the children themselves.

On the other hand, when the father and the mother have to work all the day, they should to resolve the babysitting problem. The society can not avoid this issue, but can help to bring it to a close. The local government has to open more special nurseries where the little ones were under the control of professional nannies. However, we should not forget about an interesting phenomenon, called “au pair”, when thousands of teenagers get their experience as the babysitters in the developed countries. It is an example of the mutually advantageous process for the parents, the teenagers and the society as a whole.

In conclusion, I should note that this real issue has no unambiguous decision and consequences. Almost every family faces this problem and resolve it in its own way. I may say that when my wife will give birth, she would wish to return to her work as soon as possible, and we will puzzle as well.

Words 299

20-90-90-50

Revision

Rephrasal:

In modern developed countries, the parents, who are involved into the active social life and spend a lot of time at work, very often encounter the problem of how to find a babysitter for their children. Nevertheless, this issue is a very controversial one.

First of all, the parents spend less time with their children and pay them less attention they needed very much,……. so the main and the first possible negative consequence of this process is the loss of the contact with the little ones. Leaving their children with the nannies, the genitors involuntary found the future problems with parenting and accomplishment. It is should be noted that this issue is an actual for the westernized societies and uncommon in the societies with the patriarchal structure where women do not work and bring up the children themselves.

Rephrasal:

First of all, the parents spend less time with their children and pay them less attention they needed very much.So the main and the first possible negative consequence of this process is the loss of the contact with the little ones. Leaving their children with the nannies, the genitors involuntary found the future problems with parenting and accomplishment. It is should be noted that this issue is an actual ____ for the westernized societies and uncommon in the societies with the patriarchal structure where women do not work and bring up the children themselves.

*actual ____ (what actual?---actual situation,event….)

On the other hand, when the father and the mother have to work all the day, they should to resolve the babysitting problem. The society can not avoid this issue, but can help to bring it to a close. The local government has to open more special nurseries where the little ones were under the control of professional nannies. However, we should not forget about an interesting phenomenon, called “au pair”, when thousands of teenagers get their experience as the babysitters in the developed countries. It is an example of the mutually advantageous process for the parents, the teenagers and the society as a whole.

Rephrasal:

On the other hand, when the father and the mother have to work all the day, they should resolve the babysitting problem. The society can not avoid this issue, but can help to bring it to a close. The local government has to open more special nurseries where the little ones were under the control of professional nannies. However, we should not forget about an interesting phenomenon, called “au pair”, when thousands of teenagers get their experience as the babysitters in the developed countries. It is an example of the mutually advantageous process for the parents, the teenagers and the society as a whole.

In conclusion, I should note that this real issue has no unambiguous decision and consequences. Almost every family faces this problem and resolves it in its own way. I may say that when my wife will give birth, she would wish to return to her work as soon as possible, and we will be puzzled as well.

Words 299